Pump me up!

Central line & pump

Today a nurse will be coming to my house to teach me how to use a Remodulin Pump. Remodulin is a new medication I will be on. The pump will be attached to a "central line" (an iv on my chest that goes directly to my heart) and will be giving me my meds 24/7. I will be learning to mix my own medication and inject it into the pump. I don't know much about it but I'm really scared about it. I was told by my doctor that I will not be able to ever be off this pump because my heart will not be able to function with out the medication. I am so scared but I have been trying to be brave in front of my family because I know they don't want me to get the pump yet. But if I need it why postpone the inevitable? I just want to get it over with and move on with my life, hopefully this will give me a longer life. So, the nurse will be here today and also tomorrow then I'll be admitted into the hospital (in the ICU) for the procedure to be done. I'll remain in the ICU for a few days to be monitored while my medication is adjusted.

I'm so overwhelmed with everything. I don't understand why I keep having all these things happen to me. I have been feeling better in the last month since Sept '10. Yet I'm doing worse so I need this new medication. I don't understand this, and if I don't understand how is my family going to understand. I see how they can want to wait to get the pump but if the doctor says I need it then I"m going to trust my doctor and just get it done. We shall see how it all works out soon enough. I'll update with how the classes went soon.