It's been awhile since my last blog. In this time I have been thinking about everything that has happened to me. I know I was in a place last time where I was angry and frustrated with life and pain and most of all God. But I had 2 conversations that have change my point of view. The frustration is there but the anger in gone.
My first conversation was with my Bro-in-law, Miguel. It was a conversation that changed me. I could tell he didn't like that I thought about committing suicide. I could see the disappointment and I guess fear in his eyes. He made me realized that I still had my faith. My faith is what is still carrying my through this time. I know coming from a former youth minister hearing that is nothing new but in my pain and my anger I felt I was losing my faith. That my anger and rebellion towards God was changing me to a person I didn't recognize. But Miguel said something that made me stop and think. "Maybe God has built up your faith all your life through your ministry for this time in your life so that you will make it through such a hard time for you." That was it such a simple logical statement that changed my life.
The second conversation, a few days later, I had was with my old Youth Coordinator Delfie. Delfie is so spiritual and in touch with God but I knew she would understand what I was going through. About 30yrs ago she had got Multiple Sclerosis (MS) for something like 4-5 yrs she got to the point where she couldn't move, sit or do anything on her own and she contemplation suicide but like me the only reason she didn't was because of her Catholic beliefs. So I was able to share with her that I had also thought about suicide. She told me that God had a plan. Before my talk with Miguel I would have rolled my eyes and zoned out. But I listened and she told me sometimes we suffer to bring others to God's glory. She used her story as an example.
Now don't get me wrong I'd heard her testimony millions of times but this was like hearing it for the first time. She told me how Mr. G (her hubby) would spend most of his time with his friends & she had stopped going to church. If God wouldn't have allowed her to go through the MS her family would have been completely different. They one day she went to Austin for a retreat where people were being healed. A priest came to her and prayed over her and the pain she had been in for years was instantly gone. Slowly from that day forward she got better and better and now her MS is completely gone.
After the MS they all dedicated their lives to God and spreading His message. They both have touched so many lives of adults and teens all around the US & Mexico. They are part of the National Youth Service Committee, they are the Youth Coordinators for the Charismatic Renewal Center here in SA. Their children have grown up with God in their lives and have taught their children to do the same.
She said maybe God was allowing this to happen to me to change the lives of my family or maybe it was for someone I don't even know. It was not easy to accept with grace and without complaining, but she said I just needed to trust in God. I only saw the here & now but God can see the whole picture, the end result and He would take care of me.
